Taking the Trash Out and Doing the Laundry

Trash and laundry are two of those chores that I suppose no one, or very few people, look forward to doing.  Granted they aren't the most glamorous of duties but they have to be done sooner or later, unless you enjoy living amidst bags of garbage or have the resources and wherewithal to just keep buying new clothes.  Eventually it just has to be done.  Now there are certain things I get excited about, look forward to and stay on top of as much as possible, such as conquering the daily challenges on Pogo and doing some therapeutic writing and posting it here.  When you enjoy something it's so much easier to maintain the motivation to keep it up and do it on a routine basis.  Then there are those "have to" items that seem like such arduous tasks that we end up procrastinating until it just cannot be ignored any longer.  Sometimes my sense of urgency to do laundry comes down to not having any more clean underwear, and I admit that there have been times I've bought new boxer briefs just to prolong the inevitable.  Similarly, carrying out the accumulated refuse that has sometimes piled up to include three or more bags seems to take so much energy in order to simply walk them across the parking lot to the dumpster and, as stupid as it sounds, I sometimes just don't feel like making that walk of shame, knowing somehow that my neighbors watch me tote numerous garbage bags and thinking to themselves how trashy I must be.

For the life of me I cannot understand why these tasks seem so insurmountable at times because I know deep down how good I feel when the laundry is all done and there are no sacks of trash staring at me when I go into the kitchen.  You'd think that I would want the experience that sense of accomplishment more often and that, in itself, would keep me motivated to stay on top of these chores in order to do so.  Instead, however, I let them go too long and get to the point that I am forced to make less than optimal wardrobe choices, ruing the fact that what I really want to wear is in the dirty laundry pile, or stashing bags full of trash into the bedroom or closet because I haven't gotten around to lugging them out to the dumpster and don't want whoever happens to be visiting to see what a slacker I can be.  Don't get me wrong, I am really not a dirty person and have never had issues with vermin or anything like that!  It's simply that those tasks that aren't enjoyable in and of themselves tend to get placed on the back burner.  The carrot of self satisfaction dangling in front of me doesn't seem to provide the enticement it should until the stick is really striking my back side quite hard.  Why is it that attaining those good feelings and emotions aren't the motivating factors they should be?  Basking in the glow of accomplishment and pride falls by the wayside and the chores that continually beckon me to get them done get put off as long as possible.

I am coming to understand that these every day examples mirror many other aspects of my life and my journey towards recovery and working to improve and elevate my self esteem and self worth.  I have begun to recognize that healthy self image and confidence don't just magically happen, there are chores that must be done on an ongoing daily basis in order to achieve these more positive emotions and feelings.  Just like garbage and laundry, I have to put effort into doing the not so pleasant and sometimes painful and difficult work in order to get the results I want to experience more.  I must take inventory of my thoughts and self talk and be diligent at bagging up those that are trash and putting them where they belong, in the dumpster.  Similarly, there are inner self defeating believes that have to be laundered so that their negative impact can be eradicated and replaced by those that bolster the high self esteem that I so desperately want to attain.  One of the exercises that I'm attempting to put in place involves drawing direct correlation between the menial chores I perform with the work on improving my self image.  When I carry those bags of trash to the dumpster I am beginning to visualize throwing away the negative self reinforcing thoughts, and when I toss a load of clothes into the washer I imagine those destructive and erroneous core beliefs being washed from my mind and ending that self fulfilling cycle of pessimism, doom and gloom.  Taking the clothes from the dryer and neatly folding them represents the care that I must give to my own sense of self worth and esteem that is in just as critical a need of cleansing and reinforcement.

Is all this imagery and correlation easy?  Hell no!  It remains an ongoing work in progress for sure.  But it's a start and, like any habit, will get easier the more practice I put into it.  Accepting that there are no magic bullets, no instant gratification, and no quick fixes is a huge part of embarking on these exercises in changing perceptions and replacing the destructive with the constructive.  It's much like having wealth or being slim and trim, work must be done to get to the finish line and achieve the goals I've set for myself.  Waking up skinny or hitting the Power Ball are nice fantasies to have but in reality life just doesn't work that way, especially since I'm not dieting or buying lottery tickets.  I admit that here, at the beginning of my journey, I'm less than proficient and successful and progress is slow and sometimes yields minuscule if any recognizable results. But I am resolved to keep at it and be tenacious at keeping my eyes on the prize.  Positive outcomes are sure to follow as long as I don't give up and maintain persistence in getting where I want to be.  Thanks to the encouragement of group members and my ever present support system I am beginning to believe that I can do this!  Just like taking out the trash and doing the laundry, the work is ongoing and won't ever end, but the results are more than worth the effort.