The God Realization and the Uninvited Guests

Today was a very positive one for me.  Julie attended group with me this morning and what a blessing it was to have her there.  It never ceases to amaze me just how supportive she is and how much wisdom and insight she provides.  Of course I had to present the results of my weekend homework all about guilt and shame, and I was anticipating that "I told you so" moment, but it never came.  I simply should have known better and been confident that our friendship hasn't ever included judgment and ridicule so why should it come now?  Of course it didn't.  Julie was just so pleased and happy that I am beginning to recognize these inner loathsome thoughts and taking steps to reverse and overcome them so they can't hurt me or hold me back any longer.  She was able to provide some really poignant feedback and expand on, for the benefit of both me and the group, her observations over the years regarding the shame and guilt I have harbored and just how much it has damaged my confidence and self esteem.  She knows, probably better than anyone, the struggles I have with accepting and loving myself and celebrating the person I am without cancelling it all out by wallowing in the destructive, irrational and erroneous core beliefs that have found a home within me.

There have been a handful of people throughout my life that have loved and supported me without question or condition, and I understand now that every one of them reflected God's unconditional love for me, even though it has been only recently that this realization has hit me.  I guess I had this preconceived notion that somehow God should be speaking to me in a clear voice similar to what Moses experienced, as illustrated by Charlton Heston in the Ten Commandments.  I think now that one of the irrational reasons that I haven't been able to feel that God does or could love me is that I've never experienced that booming voice I kept expecting.  When I would hear others talk about their deep and intimate relationship with God I simply couldn't relate, which led to my incorrect notion that I wasn't good enough.  I'm beginning to see and starting to understand that God has been speaking to and loving me all along through the angels he sends into my life, those people who have that special light in them that shines so brightly and expresses love and acceptance so freely.  I still have a way to go as far as internalizing this reality and making it a part of my core belief system, but I can also now see that it's going to get a little bit easier the more I actively reinforce it.

When I got home this evening I checked my Facebook page and started sifting through the news feed.  I came across this photo that was shared by a friend and it really spoke to me.  It made total sense and I am now starting to understand that all of those negative thoughts and beliefs that have taken up residence and eaten away at my soul are uninvited guests.  I must take control of my own house and make sure that the only visitors welcome are the ones bringing peace of mind, self acceptance and the positive reinforcement that I am a child of God and he loves me regardless of any baggage that exists.  He's already taken care of that baggage so, like him, I need to let it go and replace it with the peace that passes all understanding.  When you consider the message illustrated in the photo I've attached here, it seems like such a simple and obvious concept.  Maybe, like me, you will do a virtual face palm and the light bulb will switch on.  No one in their right mind would invite a thief into their home and tolerate the larceny of their most precious and prized possessions.  So why in the world do we so easily let the joy thieves into our hearts and minds and allow them to tear down and destroy our self image and sense of worth?

For me, the time has come to start evicting those unwanted and uninvited squatters and only allow in the guests that bolster and elevate my overall sense of self.  Like a landlord navigating the legal system, I know the eviction process will take some time, yet I'm starting to have faith that I can truly achieve this goal.  Once the freeloaders are out and the new positive tenants have established residence, I can begin to love and be proud of myself and who I am,  In yet another shining example of her wisdom, faith and support, Julie told me the other day that God looks down on me and doesn't see all the crap that I've let drag me down, but rather says to himself "Look at my creation Tom. Wow!  He's really something special!"  I've repeated that to myself a number of times since that conversation and, with the work I'm doing toward getting rid of the destructive and unwanted self-defeating thoughts and beliefs, I'm on my way to truly believing that with all my heart.  Yes, right now my house is a real fixer-upper, but the difficult process of renovation has begun and this property's perceived value is about to skyrocket!