I Guess Everyone Has Bad Days ... And That's OK

When I went in to work and fired up my computer I should have realized it was going to be one of those days when I noticed that some smart ass had named our team chat session "Group Chat" rather than something at the very least mildly witty.  I swear some people have absolutely no imagination and they are usually the ones whose taste is all in their mouth.  Yes, it was a troublesome day.  We are short staffed because of all the people moving up into other positions, which is a wonderful thing for sure, but they can't get the newbies trained fast enough to get more butts in the seats.  So there were basically calls backed up in queue all day long.  Of course the phone police monitor such situations closely and don't hesitate to cancel side-by-sides, feedback sessions or team meetings.  That's their job and I respect it.  For some reason today it just got under my skin.  Already stressed trying to keep up with the call volume and still finding my sea legs from only being in my second week back, I just didn't think it was necessary to have to see that little pop-up on the screen that says "18 calls in queue"!  I'm an adult and am perfectly capable of seeing how many calls there are since it is displayed on my phone and on large digital message boards strategically placed for all to see.  I know better than to take things personally, which I'm still working on!  I let the day get to me for some reason.  Nothing went particularly wrong and certainly nothing bad happened.  I just found myself fumbling around on things I thought I should just know and totally discounted the fact that I've been off work for four months.  Oh Lord, saying that out loud just makes me reflect on what all I've been through recently.  It doesn't seem possible that's how long I was away, but it's true.  As I drove to my therapy appointment after work I realized that, as is my history, I'm much too hard on myself.  It's completely normal for me to feel ill at ease for a while and it's going to take time.  There are going to be bad days, everyone has them after all, as Julie pointed out to me tonight.  Sometimes you just have to say whoopty fuckin' doo and let that shit go!

I found myself repeating the words "I love my job, I love my job" numerous times throughout the day, and I really do love my job.  The one bright spot to days like this is that they do seem to go faster.  It does get frustrating, though, when things get backed up because the leads, who are normally available to help or answer questions when something comes up, are taken away and recruited to help take calls.  That only results in having no one to turn to when there's a problem or something can't be figured out expeditiously.  It seems counter intuitive to me to remove the assistance reps need just when things are at their busiest.  I understand the rationale, but I still contend that if they were available to help us reps we could get things done more quickly and thus handle more calls and reduce those waiting in the queue.  But who am I?  Maybe one day I'll be in a position with enough power to change things for the better.  Ultimately I'm lucky to be a part of a great company doing what I do very well and being recognized for it.  I need to continue working on not taking things so personally and giving myself a break once in a while.  I'm doing very well, all things considered, and things will only get better as I get more comfortable.  The future's bright and I must start reminding myself of that when these stressful days happen, which they are bound to at least once in a while.  I can't be disappointed in myself for going through the natural process of reintegration.  I have to start giving myself credit where credit is due, pat myself on the back when warranted, and expect that bad days will happen here and there.  I have the tools to deal with days like this, but I'm still learning that it's OK if they don't work 100% of the time.  Unlike the person I was four months ago, who would have stewed over such circumstances until I was completely convinced I was a worthless failure, I did eventually put those tools to work and got through it.  Tomorrow is another day!  After all, it could be a lot worse, I could be living in a van down by the river!