Insomnia

I still have yet to master this sleep thing.  I've tried so hard to quiet my brain, employ progressive relaxation techniques, experiment with white noise, vary lighting levels, and even explore pharmaceutical options.  So far there hasn't been anything that seems to work well.  I would try counting sheep but I'm afraid I'd end up with only one lonely sheep named Pi and I wouldn't be allowed to round!  I can't figure out what the problem is.  I have returned to work and am successfully maintaining a routine schedule.  I have worked hard to not let myself nap or doze off accidentally on the couch.  I've limited my intake of caffeine in the evening, and even restructured the bed itself to assure a higher comfort level.  I've analyzed my thoughts to glean any hint of worry, depression and/or anxiety, but I'm really not experiencing anything of significance.  I thought surely last week's lack of somnolence was related to my anxious anticipation about my first day back on the job and how the transition would go.  I was convinced that once I made it over that speed bump I could return to sleeping like an infant after a warm bottle and a good belch.  I remarked to my therapist just the other day that I was truly enjoying feeling good.  I have a much more palpable sense of self confidence and I'm finding that the tools and affirmations I've been practicing are really working.  Hell, I even like myself these days!  I have such great friends and family and have been indulging in copious amounts of quality time with them and my inner social caterpillar has blossomed into a flitting butterfly.  Life is pretty great right now and I feel like I'm in a wonderful place of self realization and acceptance, of both my persona as well as my overall circumstances.  Yes, I have some significant financial issues that have yet to be resolved, but even that has been something I've taken in stride by forming a plan of action that I'm confident will put me in a better position.  So why the hell am I sitting here writing this as the clock ticks closer and closer to 2:30 am?  What is left in the arsenal that can shatter this nightly drudgery of simply falling asleep on command?

It's not like I don't get tired, I do, but it seems that the moment my head hits the pillow and I curl up so comfortably wrapped in my cozy flannel sheets it just doesn't happen.  There have been a few nights that I finally managed to grow drowsy enough to successfully enter into a nice slumber.  Unfortunately, those moments haven't come until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning.  So for the past two weeks I have been subsisting on maybe four or five hours of good sleep, and that's on a good night.  I've taken the advice of my health care team and resisted turning on the bedroom television when I hit the hay, and I've also gotten in the habit of getting up when sleep just isn't coming anytime soon.  Supposedly it's not a good idea to remain in bed while fully awake so that the mind can be trained to recognize the direct connection between bed and sleep.  So here I sit, another night of two attempts so far without success.  This is my second go around where I do start yawning and feeling drowsy, but there's something about the bed that acts on me like a quad shot latte.  I notice that I just start thinking about random things and can't shut down or empty my thoughts.  Is it possible that my body clock is just more prone to being a night owl?  At various points in my life I have self-identified the sense that if I am asleep I might miss something.  There might be some catastrophic event in Sri Lanka that sparks breaking news, and if I'm sleeping I won't be privy to the live reports from Anderson Cooper, who conveniently just happens to have arrived on the very last flight from JFK sporting his trademark field attire of a snug black t-shirt and cargo pants.  At least he's not anywhere near Syria or Isis because that pretty head of his needs to remain attached, but I digress.  I'm not sure what the answer is at this point.  Maybe higher doses of the medication that is supposed to help?  Possibly a private doctor with an oxygen tank and a large supply of propofol?  Perhaps a sledge hammer might do the trick?  I'm open to suggestions, so if you have any please share!  For now, I'm thinking a fried egg sandwich sounds pretty darn good!