Turkey Day Blues

It's that time of year, the holiday season has come as we all plan for Thanksgiving next week.  For many of us, myself included, this time of year brings a great deal of sorrow and loneliness.  First of all, I think it's difficult for single people in general as these particular holidays are so focused on family.  While I dearly love my sister and brothers, as well as their extended families, it's another reminder of being alone. I'm not alone, of course, in that I am lucky to have family and great friends, but the loneliness of not having a special person in my life is magnified more so than at other times of year.  I've never had that experience of being part of a couple and being in it together, so to speak.  It's always just been me, the third wheel, the odd man out, only experiencing the core family dynamic from the outside looking in.  I've been exceptionally lucky to have had so many close friends over the years that have adopted me into their families, have included me in their celebrations and dinners, and have treated me as one of their own.  I've been included in my own family's traditions as well when geography and time has permitted, so I'm by no means implying that I'm a literal orphan, but there's a part of me that has never felt like I truly fit into my family.  Everyone has their own lives and things that they deal with, so we aren't as closely knit as we used to be.  That's just the reality of things.  Mom and Dad were the glue that held us all together and now that they're both gone it's been hard to remain as close as we were when I was younger.  Thanksgiving used to be an event in the Guz and Marjorie household.  I have fond memories of the turkey cooking in the roaster down in Dad's workshop while Mom scurried around the kitchen preparing all the trimmings.  I'd get to watch the Macy's parade which I used to look forward to every year.  My brothers would come home with their wives and children and we'd all be together enjoying each others' company, at least for the most part.  Perhaps I romanticize these memories as I'm sure there was plenty of drama from time to time, but it felt so good to be part of such a large clan that loved each other in our own ways.  I'm sure we still love one another, but these days it tends to be from a distance and often is limited to online communication.  I think without the internet some of use would have grown even farther apart so thank God for the information superhighway!

The second thing contributing to that sense of sadness and isolation is the great sense of loss resulting from Mom's death.  When dad died it was very difficult but I still had Mom as my sidekick, my partner in crime.  We became the best of friends in my adulthood and did pretty much everything together.  We even lived together for a time which worked out so well for both of us I think.  I really am a mamma's boy and looking back on the times we had together I'm so proud of that.  Mom passed away in 2001 just a short time after 9/11 which made that time period all the more traumatic for me.  There was so much going on in the world that I almost felt like her passing was overshadowed.  I've never gotten over losing her and still to this day find myself wanting to call her and tell her about something that happened or just share my day with her.  It never goes away.  It's gotten easier to deal with in some respects but I still have a hole in my heart the size of Ohio that never seems to completely heal.  One of my closest friends just lost her Mother recently and my heart aches for her as she begins to deal with some of these same issues.  I was so lucky to have been included in their family and spent several Thanksgiving days cooking and eating with them and spending quality time together.  She was an exceptional woman and her loss is deeply felt.  I wish there were words I could say that would take away some of the pain my friend so obviously feels, but all I can do is be as good a friend as I can be.  I know how it feels and how long it lasts.  I know what it's like for nothing to be the same as it was and coming to terms with the fact that it never will be again.  All we can do is cherish the good memories and never forget the ones we've loved our whole lives, the ones who truly made us who we are today.  I wish my Mom could have known both her and her mother because I know they would have just loved each other so much.  So this time of year, remember those of us who struggle with the holidays; keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  Invite and include and orphan into your family's plans and make them feel welcome.  You may never know how much it truly means to them to be part of a family, even if it's not a blood relation.  Thanksgiving is a time to be grateful and I know I have a lot to be thankful for.  These musings are not intended to diminish what's good, but merely point out that there are those of us whose underlying feelings and emotions can make it more difficult to get through the festivities of the day.  Your inclusion and the love you share so freely really does make a difference!