The topic of discussion in group today was fear. Fear can be defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat (Google, 2017). Fear can be instinctual and is designed to keep us safe. It normally manifests in the fight or flight response. Let's say you're out hiking in the woods and are suddenly confronted by an angry charging grizzly bear; your initial reaction would probably be to run for your life. This is the healthy kind of fear with a real and legitimate purpose. Conversely, there are many occasions where fear is detrimental and holds us back from being who we want to be or living to our full potential. We've become a society that is built on fear. Advertisers capitalize on fears to sell products, politicians play on fears of constituents to win votes, and religious leaders use fear to manipulate their congregations. Even parents use fear to keep their kids in line. In Peggy Drexler's New York Observer opinion article (April 27, 2015), Why We Should Learn to Live With Fear, she points out that fear is the new normal, that fear is so pervasive in the media and with world events like terrorism that it is something we must learn to live with. But how do we differentiate between healthy and unhealthy fears? Matt James, PhD penned an article for Psychology Today (May 17, 2015) entitled 6 Signs That Fear is Holding You Back. Simply put, they are as follows:
- Fear sees only the downside
- Fear doesn't let you stop and think it through
- fear tells us to avoid anything new or unknown
- Fear constricts rather than expands who we are
- Fear obscures your intuition
- Fear often keeps us from making any decision at all
I can identify with all six of these signs in one way or another. Many times my fear of something, whether it's change or rejection or something else, focuses solely on the downside of things. Being in the fearful state only identifies the worst that can happen rather than seeing both the positive and negative equally. Fear often makes me jump to conclusions rather than stopping to think things through and look at the situation rationally. Avoidance is a huge aspect of fear for me as well; I routinely avoid new things or the unknown. It is exceptionally difficult for me to step out of my comfort zone, even when that zone is in depression and anxiety. At least it is a known versus an unknown. My fear of rejection and judgement prevents me from being myself sometimes and that constricts who I am rather than expanding it. I often am reticent about speaking my mind or expressing my opinions too loudly. Intuition refers to that gut instinct that tells us how to proceed and fear can certainly quell that voice inside. And finally, I'm definitely guilty of not making a decision out of fear. This was one reason I lost my condo. I wasn't able to make the decisions needed to keep it or successfully put it on the market and sell it for a profit so I lost it to foreclosure. So what is the antidote for these kinds of fears and the outcomes they bring? Well the simple answer is to do the opposite:
- Look at and focus on the positive in any situation
- Stop, take a breath and think things through
- Embrace what might be new or unknown
- Expand who you are
- Listen to your inner intuition
- Make informed decisions
Doing these things isn't easy by any means, especially when fear has been a major part of your life for a long time. Like any coping skill, these take some time and effort to perfect. I desperately need to start recognizing and focusing on the positive. I realize, for example, that I am getting some much needed socialization with new friends from group as well as from my current friends like Jackie, Julie and JK. I've been invited out to lunch, have had help in getting unpacked and more settled, and have even been offered assistance with running errands by people who are just getting to know me. What a blessing that has been and I hope will continue! Thinking things through is what will help to focus on those positives and hopefully counteract the negative. I also need to start embracing things that might be new or unknown, even though they may be frightening. I've been thinking about transitioning from group to a new program called Art Awakenings where I can explore my more creative and artistic side. Transportation is an issue and that is scary, but I need to try and overcome that obstacle. I need to expand who I am, be more brave about expressing my opinions and viewpoints, be more open and transparent. I try to do these things here on my blog but need to start doing so in other aspects of my life as well. Once my fears are in check I will be able to hear that inner voice, that intuition or gut instinct that will help guide me to making good informed decisions. As Gandhi so eloquently put, fear is the enemy. It can truly hold us back and hinder any hope of progress. Our discussion today has given me some good information to work with and my hope is that I can start to address and conquer my fears.
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