It has been the consensus among some family and friends that I would benefit greatly from having a roommate. This would not only be to share expenses, which is a definite side benefit on its own, but also to have the company and not be alone most of the time. It is when I'm alone too much that I begin to spiral back into depression and my anxiety skyrockets, leading me to isolate and withdraw from life. It is during these times that I have historically stopped taking care of myself which only makes things worse and I end up back in the hospital, usually for some medical issue like out of control diabetes but ultimately I also end up on the behavioural health unit to regain control of my deepened depression and heightened anxiety. It has been through these hospital stays that I have been able to reset and start over. I then get involved in some form of outpatient group that occupies my time for a while and does a lot of good, but unfortunately due to health insurance restrictions these groups are only for a limited duration and I end up back on my own with no clear direction or purpose. This ongoing cycle needs to be broken and I need to address limiting my alone time and isolation on a more permanent basis. I plan to address the issue in a couple of ways including getting into a roommate situation. Fortunately I have a good friend that's interested and we've decided to give it a trial run to see how it goes. Brian came over and spent the weekend just hanging out and it went well. He's going to come again later in the week and spend a longer period of time here for our trial run. I guess you can never really tell how things will go until you're well into a given situation but I think testing the waters will give an indication of what a more permanent arrangement will look like. We have so much in common and relate very well with each other on so many levels. He deals with depression, anxiety and agoraphobia just like I do but I don't anticipate that we would enable each other any more than we already do and just having the company, someone to be there, would reduce my sense of isolation. We like the same things on TV and food wise so there would be minimal conflict there. It's not completely ideal in my current digs because it's only a one bedroom place but I sleep on the couch so he will be utilizing the bed. My lease isn't up until October I think and at that point we'd look at moving into a two bedroom apartment, possibly with two separate bathrooms, but that remains to be seen based on what we can afford. I admit I wasn't thrilled about going into a roommate situation in general until Brian and I discussed it because I just couldn't see myself living with someone I didn't know well; that would only drive up my anxiety levels. I've known Brian now for over a year and feel like our sharing a place is the best option for both of us. I look forward to seeing how things grow and progress.
When it comes to groups, as I mentioned briefly in my last posting, now that I've graduation from Friendship I'm looking at two separate aftercare programs. The first one is called CHEEERS, which is a peer run organization that offers all types of classes, groups, outings and training programs. Classes and groups include things like health and wellness management, grief and loss, journaling, and art therapy to name a few. They offer a number of different options for outings like going to a movie, visiting a museum or the zoo, and even participating in volunteering activities such as assisting at a food bank. For those interested, and I think I am, they offer formal training in becoming a peer support counselor which leads to certification and offers opportunities to be peer support there at CHEEERS or even working at my clinic running a group or something like that. I'm not sure how good I'd be at it but it's definitely something I'm seriously considering. The other program I'm looking into is called Art Awakenings. As it's name suggests its sole purpose is therapy through artistic expression. They offer all types of classes in various mediums like drawing, paining, ceramics, glass work, and writing. While I am definitely interested in drawing and painting, the writing program holds the most appeal for me. I figure I could use any help I can get when it comes to my writing. If I do become involved there my hope is that improvement in my skills will be evident in my postings as well as any creative writing projects I might delve into. Art Awakenings has a studio and gallery in the Roosevelt arts district downtown where participants can display and even sell their work. My sister has been there during one of Phoenix's First Friday art walks, met some of the artists and even bought a couple things. She raved about how nice it is and what a great program it seems to be so I'm excited for the possibilities. My only concern is transportation. That is arranged through my clinic and they basically use a cab company for rides to and from the programs. The company currently being used is not the most reliable and is known for cancelling reservations with little to no notice. For me not having dependable transportation leaves me feeling very anxious and apprehensive. The last thing I want to do is get somewhere and not be able to get home. I know participants do it every day so my fears are probably overblown, but I've had rides to and from my clinic cancelled without warning and for no reason and have been left hanging for up to three hours on one occasion; so I've had personal first hand bad experiences. That aside, I'm excited about the opportunities I have for groups and for my living situation. Things are looking much more positive and between the various programs and having a roommate I should be able to curb the possibility of becoming isolated and ending up once again back where I started. Time will tell but I really think things are looking up!
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