Sleep ... Those Little Slices of Death ... How I Loathe Them

I have nothing against sleep.  It's one of those necessities of life where our minds and bodies are refreshed and recharged.  Going totally without sleep can be destructive and lead to all sorts of untoward outcomes.  Good sleep is like a white chocolate Hershey's Bliss that just melts away like butter into a restful and restorative slumber, and I actually look forward to that kind of rest.  But of late I haven't been sleeping well at all.  When I do sleep it's restless and segmented, and it is sometimes difficult to fall asleep in the first place.  It is this kind that I find so loathsome, as Poe so appropriately describes.  Now I don't think he meant it in the way I've chosen to interpret and apply it to myself, but loathe is certainly an appropriate description of how it feels to always have to be mindful of trying to fall asleep and having to work at it, often unsuccessfully these days.  It seemed like I was doing so well with the help of one of my medications, but it doesn't seem to work the way it has been for some reason.  A great example is last night.  By the time I was feeling I could finally fall asleep it was after 6:00 in the morning.  I was correct that I was ready and pretty much crashed into the bed for the third time, but of course it led to me sleeping well into the early afternoon.  I'm not sure why this is happening, but I'm now transitioning to a different medication that might be more helpful.  Unfortunately I have to ramp down off of one and ramp up on the other so it's a gradual process but I do think it will be worth it, at least I'm hopeful!  Some days I've only been getting a few hours and others I'm getting a full eight or more, but those longer periods are coming at the expense of my being able to maintain a regular schedule.  I do pray that I can get it all straightened out and back to relative normalcy by the time I return to work, otherwise the first few days back might require an extra infusion of caffeinated beverages to get myself through.

Speaking of my return to work, I have a tentative target date of Monday, November 3rd.  I have three meetings this next week that will either confirm that or extend it for another week or so.  I'm hoping for the 3rd because I'm anxious to get back to work and into the swing of things.  I guess there's a part of me that may never be ready, nervous about how things will be or how people might treat or perceive me given the nature of my extended leave.  I really have no reason to feel these fears since I have received so much support and encouragement from coworkers and the company certainly has been incredible about the whole thing, the disability claim taking forever not withstanding, but I suppose it's normal to feel apprehensive and anxious regardless of the circumstances.  It's just something I have to work through, like all of the other challenges I've faced head on.  I feel confident that once I get over that hump of the first day everything will be fine.  I love my job and have been doing very well, receiving exceptional survey results and quality numbers, along with many accolades from management.  It shouldn't take long to get right back to where I was.  Getting back to school may take a little while and might have to wait until early next year because I want to be wholly entrenched and comfortable with the normalcy of the routine.  Part of what the program I've been working through is all about has to do with having and utilizing the tools learned to see through any adversity or challenge that might come along, and I feel confident that's something I can and will do moving forward.  I have an exceptional support system, people who love me, and an increasing sense of self worth and esteem, so I'm certain I can get through just about anything life throws at me, regardless of the outcome or results.  I just have to reinforce these beliefs and keep practicing the skills I've learned and nothing will be able to overwhelm or defeat me.  God is good!