Tomorrow is my day to follow up with several members of my care team. First on the list is my endocrinologist who will, no doubt, be less than enthusiastic about my progress. I'm going to have to fess up and just admit that at times I have literally no self control, but I am trying to make more of an effort in that regard. It's frustrating for sure, but no one can do it for me and I have to figure out a way to motivate myself to make the necessary changes. I'm learning quickly that the answer isn't to simply take additional insulin to make up for overindulgence. I wish it were that simple. I'm lucky that I have doctors who at least at some level understand where I am in my journey and do their best to help me celebrate the smallest of victories. Next on the list is the doctor overseeing my medication regimen. I will be happy to report to her that switching back to the original drug I started out on has brought significant improvement in both mood and sleep. We shall see if any changes are suggested. I will be asking about a few ideas I have but am not very hopeful she'll be on board so I'm not going to get really excited about it. Last on the list is my weekly visit with my therapist. I feel like we need to have a heart to heart talk about how treatment is going. For some reason I hold back and sometimes can't seem to bring up anything significant I want to work on, not that there isn't plenty there. Maybe something inside me doesn't want to deal with the bad stuff and hopes to just continue feeling good and moving forward. I doubt she'll buy that, but we need to talk about it anyway, otherwise our sessions won't yield the results they really should.
I admit that sometimes I feel like I just don't want to continue. I much prefer to forge ahead and just put this recent dark chapter behind me once and for all. That's not realistic by any means, but the feeling is there nevertheless. I'm sure things will get easier once we form a more cohesive plan on how to proceed. One of the things I'm dreading is the coming new year because it means I have to start over with my deductible and out of pocket portion of my insurance. I had grandiose ideas that when I received the back pay for the time I was out there would be enough to preload my HSA account with enough to cover those out of pocket expenses, but since things have been handled poorly, at least in my humble opinion, the back pay has only been trickling in and wasn't enough to proceed as planned. What worries me is that I will likely not be able to afford some of the medications I currently take and will have to make changes to something that may not work as well but will be affordable. I guess I can always hope for that winning lottery ticket! I guess I'll just have to handle things as they come and not get too anxious or down about it. One thing I've learned and tried very hard to internalize is that no matter what happens, or doesn't happen as the case may be, I'll be OK. I just have to take things one at a time and deal with whatever comes as best I can. Maybe my care team will have some suggestions. I'm putting that on my list to discuss with them tomorrow. I'm sure my next posting will consist of what was decided and what options I might have. Oh well, I'm not going to lose sleep over it tonight. Like Scarlett O'Hara so aptly stated, tomorrow is another day!
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