As I was getting my day started this morning I pulled up my Facebook page as I always do just to catch up on postings and see what might be going on. At the top of my feed was a post by Chris Meloni ... yes ... from Law and Order SVU and even more importantly from Oz where he paraded around naked most of the time ... WOOF! ... but I digress. I recently "liked" his page on Facebook so I could follow whatever he contributed to his cyber fan base. His posting this morning was especially meaningful to me so I thought I would share it here and expand on how I might be able to apply it in my life, and maybe encourage others to do the same. He posted a very simple meme of a saying that I'd like to incorporate into my self-talk which stated "A flower does not think of competing against the flower next to it. It just blooms." At first I thought to myself how cute it was. Throughout my life I've often heard that old expression "Bloom where you are planted" but somehow this take on that old adage spoke to me in a way I had never considered before. Normally I don't pay much attention to memes unless they make me laugh in which case I will occasionally share them. But this one actually got me thinking quite a bit and it resonated with me. I began to realize how much control and credence we give to how others influence our decisions and actions to the point that we proceed, or don't as the case may be, based on what other people might think or how they act or perform. When we do this we start running the serious risk of not being ourselves and not living up to the full potential we have as individuals. For the sake of this illustration I think I'll refer to those people as the gardeners because they like to manipulate and arrange the flowers around them rather than simply acknowledging and appreciating the unadulterated beauty that just naturally exists without any outside influence. Do we really need to mess with God's perfect creations in order to fit them into our own perceptions and expectations? Are we, as a society, so afraid of simply enjoying each flower for its own individuality and contribution that we must attempt to change it?
It's impossible to improve on perfection and, when it comes right down to it, we're all perfect just as we are. I know without a doubt that's much easier said than actually applied. Some of us have a very difficult time arriving at this realization. We're too mired down in a lifetime of what society tells us to do or say ... or be! I fully admit that I have not achieved this vision of myself but that's what I'm starting to work on. I have to change my inner core beliefs and negative self-talk that tells me on a daily basis that I'm not good enough and don't measure up. I have to start asking the hard and uncomfortable questions to identify who it is I feel I'm not good enough for and what it is I don't think I measure up to. These queries lead to a not so pleasant inner discourse and requires dealing with some very dark places that are painful to unearth and delve into, but I'm learning that overcoming the pain is part of the process and ignoring those negative and unhealthy self-perceptions is not an option if I am to eventually obliterate those inner thoughts and beliefs of self loathing and worthlessness and allow myself to bloom into my own unique perfection. I have to begin realizing that, like snowflakes, no two people are alike and each one of us possesses special qualities, traits and talents that make each of us a totally different yet breathtakingly beautiful in our own individual way. Why is it that we often cannot see that in ourselves? What causes us to constantly compare ourselves with each other and make this life some kind of grand competition where either everyone has to be the same or we are constantly trying to outdo one another? I'm not saying that competitiveness is all bad. There's always some form of competition that is necessary and useful, but I contest that it should not be an invasive presence when it comes to our own self image and esteem. We are all competing in one form or another on a day to day basis ... competing for a good parking spot or for that elusive promotion at work, And, of course, there's the whole wide world of sports where competition is absolutely required. But these aren't the types of competition I'm talking about here. Our own self image and worthiness shouldn't ever be compared to anyone else but instead should be treasured as the unique identity that is ours alone.
Not to get all Brady Bunch here, but being the youngest of six children brings with it a lot of real or perceived competition and expectation, especially when older siblings' achievements and successes are a lot to live up to. There was always that teacher who compared me to my older brothers and sister and wondered why I wasn't a carbon copy in either temperament or performance. Similarly, members of the community always have vivid memories and impressions of those who came before me and couldn't quite figure out why I turned out so differently. I didn't perform academically as they had, didn't pursue the same activities or hold the same interests, and certainly didn't achieve the same levels of success and direction that my siblings had. Looking back I realize I was kind of a wandering free spirit and never really had a sense of where I fit in or where I was going in life. But it always seemed that no matter what I tried or where my interests took me, I always had the sense that I was being compared to those who came before me, especially in my Dad's eyes. He must have been so mortified and disappointed in my lack of achievement or direction and I'm sure he died having the firm belief that I really wouldn't ever amount to much or succeed. Why shouldn't he? I never gave him any reason to believe otherwise. I'd like to think that some of my meager successes in life were some comfort to him wherever he might be. For these and many other reasons or circumstances I am beginning to realize that I have been so focused on what others have expected of me and trying to please someone else that I've forgotten to fertilize my own soil and simply blossom into who I am as an individual. As I start the difficult work toward self realization and acceptance my hope is that much of the shit, whether real or perceived, that has been so ubiquitous throughout my life will serve as excellent fertilizer that will aid in my own blooming. So here is my challenge, to myself and to all of you, that we turn whatever compost and storm clouds that have been heaped upon us into the fertilizer that allows us all to grow into the unique and proud flower we are meant to be. Let us not worry about what is growing around us, but rather let's be proud of the unique and breathtakingly beautiful blossom that we are destined to become. Just bloom!!!!!
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