As the news of monsoon moisture dramatically increasing the chance of severe weather over the next few days I can't help but feel in sync. For the past two days my right knee has become completely inflamed to the point of barely weight bearing. Along with the inflammation the joint is also popping and clicking quite a bit. I really don't know what that means or indicates but I doubt it's anything positive. What could it be this time and just why has God decided I can handle one crisis after another. I wish this was only a test of the Emergency Broadcast Network, but it seems this one isn't a test. Ibuprofen is simply not working at all and my dramatic blood sugar spikes are indicating an infection raging, not that I have the best diet at home so I'm certainly not using this excuse as a cop out. Why is it that just when you see light at the end of the tunnel it turns out to be another oncoming train? I'm beginning to sympathize with Job but trying to stay positive in the face of ongoing adversity. At this point I'm most likely in for another emergency room visit today because there is no sign of improvement at all, in fact it's worse today than yesterday. My fear is that some yahoo doctor is going to decide that some kind of large needle is destined for my knee which absolutely petrifies me. The only way I think I could allow that to happen is if they completely knock me out first. Otherwise they are going to have an uncontrollable screaming child on their hands. I can go from adult to infantile in less than five seconds and I plan on warning any clinician with the bright idea of doing any such thing with me awake will end very badly. Just like monsoon in full swing, I seem to be plagued with one storm after another and very little, if any, reprieve in between.
With the history of severe leg infections and now facing potentially serious knee issues I'm beginning to wonder if I will end up having something in common with Heather Mills, the only difference being I'm not a raving bitch. I'm sure there is a list of people who would beg to differ, I'm sure, but who cares what they think right? I keep thinking about one of my favorite verses from the bible (surprise surprise ... I actually do read it) which says no trial will be put before me than that which is common to any man and God is faithful and won't allow me to be tried beyond what I'm able to bear but will provide a way through so I can endure it. I'm certainly paraphrasing a bit but for anyone interested in the citation it is I Corinthians 10:13. I have no doubt that my circumstance was the farthest thing from Paul's mind when he wrote this but I have selfishly taken it for my own application, rightly or wrongly, and it does provide some measure of comfort. Perhaps it will turn out to be something minor but I can't help having visions of requiring another inpatient stay for IV antibiotics or worse. Trying very hard to keep good thoughts and hope for the best. It would certainly be nice to not put any more strain and worry on my support system. Some of those negative thoughts about being a burden to everyone are creeping back into my head and that bothers me even more than the pain in my knee. But I cannot seem to help thinking that way because it seems like it's just one thing after another with me these days. It's hard to see now what good can come out of constant turmoil. They say that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I'm wondering just when this strength is supposed to appear because mine seems to be continually being chipped away. All I can ask and hope for at this point is the continued support and prayers of friends and family. I guess I can't give up hope now, even in the midst of the monsoon!
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