Gripping or grasping and letting go are interesting concepts I've been pondering recently. People use the terms in all sorts of ways, from developing a better grip on a golf club or baseball bat for better performance, to gripping tightly onto a handrail or banister for stability or safety. Many folks often advise others to get a grip on themselves or observe that someone may not have the best grasp on reality. Advice also usually includes letting go of the past or of unhealthy feelings. In the plethora of uses and applications, it usually boils down to holding on, to something, to anything, to oneself or to others, or letting go of the things that, while negative and destructive, are comfortable. I find it a sometimes confusing juxtaposition that it can be so important to hang on for dear life while at the same time it's often equally as vital to let go. I guess the trick is to know the difference. The two can also coexist or counterbalance each other, like grasping onto hope for the future while letting go of the past. It has been an epiphany for me to recognize the healthy versus unhealthy or destructive applications of holding on and letting go. Sometimes we hold on to things that continue to hurt, like constantly picking a scab incessantly and then wondering why it won't heal. Other times we let go of things so valuable and necessary in life, like the love of a close friend or relative, perhaps in favor of more dysfunctional relationships that just aren't good for us. Sometimes a mountain climber has to reach out on faith that the hand hold they so tightly cling to is strong and secure, but wondering it it will give way with disastrous results. For me, recovery and healing slowly emerges out of this realization, that things I've been holding onto should be let go and others I've not been diligent at holding onto need to be grasped all the more tightly. These aren't easy decisions by any means and it can take a great deal of introspection and self examination to determine which is which, finding just the right balance to bring inner peace and a sense of worth and purpose. It's funny, I always thought I had to figure it out all on my own, but I'm now realizing that the input of others and a measure of faith in God is required in order to achieve the perfect blend that yields the healthiest and most positive results. Well, maybe perfect is to perfect a word. Is there ever such a thing as perfection when it comes to these kinds of things? I think, at least to some measure, there is always a tug of war going on between what is and what should be. I'm sure this is easier for some people and more difficult for others. I'm also convinced that when the grip of depression and despair is so tight that it becomes hard to breathe, balance can seem completely impossible. It has become important for me to remember that treatment, be it pharmacological or psycho-therapeutic, isn't the cure to these feelings of gloom and hopelessness, but rather the road map that leads to being better able to make those holding on and letting go decisions. Treatment is the journey, finding balance is the destination!
I was especially reminded of this yesterday when I went for my first diabetic eye evaluation with my new ophthalmologist. Prior to the doctor coming in to complete my exam, I spent a great deal of time with his assistant who did an initial work up including digital retinal photography and, of course, the dreaded dilation eye drops. During our time together we talked a lot about diabetes and how to better manage it through what he referred to as the truth rather than the lies most people attempt to live up to without much success. He said that it can be almost impossible for most people to conform to the lies most people think of when it comes to losing weight and managing blood sugar. Thinking that I have to lose 150 pounds, for example, seems unattainable and defeating when I fail to do so. Similarly, sticking to a strict regimen of carrot sticks and raw broccoli without satisfying the more indulgent cravings can also be hard, if not impossible, to live by. Every once in a while the need for something not on "the diet" just has to be fulfilled, but leads to feelings of failure and defeat when straying from the plan. He offered an alternate truth that really opened my eyes, pardon the ophthalmic pun, and made real sense. There are four principles, he said, that will assure not only good eye health for years to come, but also the successful management of diabetes in general. These include 1. Find a friend, 2. What can brown do for you? 3. Move, somehow, for 30 minutes each day, and 4. reduce body weight by 10% each year. He went on to detail each step more fully. When I do get a craving for that Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, find a friend and share it, only eating half. Friends like that also provide great support and encouragement in managing those needs and getting through them in a more healthful way. What can brown do for me? When carbohydrate cravings and urges must be satisfied, choose the brown alternatives, brown breads, whole wheat pastas, brown rice over white rice. The carb needs are met but, again, in a more healthy way. Moving, which I remain somehow wholly resistant to, can be anything. Walk around the complex for half an hour. It doesn't have to be working out at a gym or any other rigorous or painful regimen, just something, anything. And finally, losing 10% of my body weight over the course of a whole year. So lets say a 400 pound man, which I'm not quite there yet, should lose 40 pounds in 12 months. That really breaks down to just under 4 pounds a month or 1 measly pound a week, which seems much more attainable than focusing on 200 pounds. Once the 40 pounds are gone and that same man now weighs 360 pounds, the following year he only has to lose 36 pounds, or 3 pounds a month, within that same 12 month program. The amount of weight to be worked on goes down each year and the weight loss is completed much more slowly and in a healthier way.
Honestly, no one has ever broken it down to those basic principles for me before. It's always been presented in the big picture, focusing on the overall goal rather than the small steps that eventually lead to the same place but seem to be a lot more achievable. This entire conversation made me realize that I have to let go of those old ideas that simply led to frustration, defeat, and giving up altogether. I also have to hold on to this new way of thinking on a much smaller baby step approach so that I can see gradual progress and celebrate the victories rather than the failures. OK, so maybe I should have taken all the information I've gleaned over the years and broken it down this way in my head a long time ago, but I couldn't see beyond the 150 pounds that needs to be shed or the sacrifice of never being able to stray from the required strict dietary plan without feeling like a total loser and a failure. I was holding on to the big picture and not seeing the individual brush strokes that make it up. I think another reason why this message really spoke to me is that the messenger is also a diabetic, married to a diabetic, and descended from a family of diabetics, so he spoke passionately about his own struggles and how he came to the truth rather than the lies that kept him frustrated and broken. It is so much more meaningful and easier to hear from someone who has walked in my shoes and truly knows and has experienced the truth in a successful way. I realize even more clearly that this idea of holding on and letting go, finding the truth over the lies, will make the path to recovery all the more simple to follow. Walking the walk is much easier when taking baby steps rather than trying to achieve and maintain long and brisk strides that only lead to frustration and defeat. My goal now is to apply this to other aspects on my journey of healing, not being hard on myself because I'm not completely recovered and whole, but embracing the small victories that lead me closer and closer to a better life and feeling valuable and worthwhile rather than defeated and hopeless, loving rather than loathing myself as a person, allowing myself to indulge in and work on the negatives a little at a time, confident that making progress rather than crossing the finish line is a healthier and more sustainable path. I'm finding my own truth that works for me and shutting out the lies that incessantly beat me down and hold me back. Truth doesn't mean the journey is over, but rather helps to see the path isn't as daunting and aimless as it can seem at times. I see now that my own truths have brought me this far and, while they may not be truths for everyone, they are what works for my own ongoing expedition through the wilderness, growing ever closer to the peaceful and serene clearing ahead. I'm beginning to find that increasing balance between getting a grip or holding on to what is good and healthy, and letting go of what holds me back and keeps me feeling defeated. It feels good and gives me hope rather than the feeling of dread and being overwhelmed at all that needs to be done. For now, that's a great place to be!
I was especially reminded of this yesterday when I went for my first diabetic eye evaluation with my new ophthalmologist. Prior to the doctor coming in to complete my exam, I spent a great deal of time with his assistant who did an initial work up including digital retinal photography and, of course, the dreaded dilation eye drops. During our time together we talked a lot about diabetes and how to better manage it through what he referred to as the truth rather than the lies most people attempt to live up to without much success. He said that it can be almost impossible for most people to conform to the lies most people think of when it comes to losing weight and managing blood sugar. Thinking that I have to lose 150 pounds, for example, seems unattainable and defeating when I fail to do so. Similarly, sticking to a strict regimen of carrot sticks and raw broccoli without satisfying the more indulgent cravings can also be hard, if not impossible, to live by. Every once in a while the need for something not on "the diet" just has to be fulfilled, but leads to feelings of failure and defeat when straying from the plan. He offered an alternate truth that really opened my eyes, pardon the ophthalmic pun, and made real sense. There are four principles, he said, that will assure not only good eye health for years to come, but also the successful management of diabetes in general. These include 1. Find a friend, 2. What can brown do for you? 3. Move, somehow, for 30 minutes each day, and 4. reduce body weight by 10% each year. He went on to detail each step more fully. When I do get a craving for that Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, find a friend and share it, only eating half. Friends like that also provide great support and encouragement in managing those needs and getting through them in a more healthful way. What can brown do for me? When carbohydrate cravings and urges must be satisfied, choose the brown alternatives, brown breads, whole wheat pastas, brown rice over white rice. The carb needs are met but, again, in a more healthy way. Moving, which I remain somehow wholly resistant to, can be anything. Walk around the complex for half an hour. It doesn't have to be working out at a gym or any other rigorous or painful regimen, just something, anything. And finally, losing 10% of my body weight over the course of a whole year. So lets say a 400 pound man, which I'm not quite there yet, should lose 40 pounds in 12 months. That really breaks down to just under 4 pounds a month or 1 measly pound a week, which seems much more attainable than focusing on 200 pounds. Once the 40 pounds are gone and that same man now weighs 360 pounds, the following year he only has to lose 36 pounds, or 3 pounds a month, within that same 12 month program. The amount of weight to be worked on goes down each year and the weight loss is completed much more slowly and in a healthier way.
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