Life in Limbo

So here I am in virtual limbo trying to survive the next three weeks until starting a new position.  I have some doctors appointments to finish up with, but am basically ready and willing to return to the ranks of the gainfully employed.  The space between is proving to be a difficult place to be.  So how do I grieve the loss of what has been an integral part of my life for the past several years and at the same time prepare for a new and exciting adventure.  I absolutely hate being dependent on others just to be able to get by, but I've had to do so out of necessity.  My last paycheck was the first week in April and I don't start my new job until after Memorial Day.  I have officially turned in my notice which was not without a certain sadness and regret.  My current employer has been exceptionally supportive of me as I navigated through the events and circumstances of the last few months.  I carry a moderate level of guilt that I was unable to successfully return to my prior position, and I hold no ill will that my job couldn't be held for me due to exhausting FMLA time allotments.  It was certainly the right business decision and I continue to work on not feeling like a professional failure.  I've made so much progress working through my recovery program and am very excited about the fresh start I will be embarking on.  As I think back on my time at American Express I cherish the relationships I have had the pleasure of developing and have every intention of maintaining those connections.  I also feel proud of the things I accomplished, both personally and professionally that have resulted from my tenure.  As the saying goes, everything in life happens for a reason, a time, a season, so I'm grateful for my time there and thankful for the new opportunity that awaits.  This time between the old and the new is turning out to be a very weird time for me.  I found the attached quote that suggests the space between should be honored, which sounds like great advice, I'm just not exactly sure how to do that yet.  I suppose it speaks to mindfulness and living in the moment, which I've been really working toward since it is one of the tools I've learned through my group experience.  The difficulty now is that group has ended and I have much more time on my hands and not much to do with it other than doing things around the house.  I suppose most people might envy such a period, but to be honest I really do feel both the need and the desire to return to full productivity.

I have realized that one of the ways I'm honoring this time is to fully bond with my new best buddy and loving companion.  After having lost Ping I could have easily slipped back into a deep depression and isolated myself from any further attempts at pet ownership.  Actually friends have pointed out that you don't really own a cat, they own you.  I'm finding this to be true of Cooper.  He owns me lock, stock and barrel.  I'm completely smitten with him and am so incredibly happy that he's not the typical distant and aloof feline, but rather wants to be by my side all the time, following me from room to room and being completely content curled up either next to or on me.  He's a purring machine and it's obvious he loves to be loved and reciprocates in full measure.  I never had the opportunity with Ping to truly bond and have that kind of relationship.  As it turned out he was ill from the time I adopted him and isolated himself from any contact.  It's amazing how being responsible for another life changes things.  I've never had my own pet before and I obviously have no children, so this is really a new experience for me.  To love and have that returned unconditionally by Cooper really means a lot at this point in my life.  He genuinely adores me and has to be near me at all times, even when I'm sitting on the toilet.  He just sits at my feet and looks up at me as I do my business.  He'll even start talking to me as if to tell me about his day and what he's been up to.  He's actually quite vocal and even meets me at the door to report everything that has happened while I've been gone.  It will be interesting to see how he does once I return to work and am gone for a much longer period of time on a daily basis.  I'm sure he'll do fine as long as we have quality time when I get back home.  Bonding and being with Cooper during this hiatus until my new position starts is actually quite rewarding.  He never grows tired of being near me and if I get lost in something else he's sure to remind me that he's there.  It is because of him that I'm heeding the advice from the photo above by honoring and cherishing the space between!