Stupidity

What's the stupidest thing you've ever done?  My guess is that it's something you'd never admit to or would be horribly embarrassed about.  Now I've done a lot of stupid things in my life, way too many to mention here for sure.  I've bought cars I had no business buying, fed Alka Seltzer to seagulls which I still to this day feel enormous guilt over, made all sorts of bad decisions, and even had an illegal substance injected into my face at one point.  No, it wasn't drugs at all, it was silicone gel.  I was invited to a covert pumping party where entertainers, like I used to be, have silicone injected into their bodies for enhancement, whether it be facial or some other body part.  I've known people that have augmented their breasts, added definition to their pecs, and pumped up their butts, just as examples.  For me, I wanted to have more defined cheekbones, have a cleft in my chin filled in, and add volume to my lips; and I could get it all done for a mere $150.00, what a deal!  All of this took place in a hotel room under cloak and dagger circumstances.  Injectable silicone gel had been illegal for some time and continues to be to this day because of the health risks involved.  I've been lucky and haven't had any ill effects that I'm aware of, but you never know with this type of thing.  I recently read an online article from some reputable news source that delved into this phenomenon among the transgender community and told stories of botched procedures and even deaths resulting from being injected.  Looking back on it, you might think this was the most stupid thing I've ever done, and I'd agree that it's right up there!  But considering the totality of my life so far, I'd have to say that it's only maybe a close second.  

By far the most stupid thing I've ever done is when I started smoking.  That is something I wish with all my heart I could take back and do differently.  I was 12 or 13 years old at the time and was in the hospital for the first time for depression.  It was a private psychiatric facility that had all the charm of an old haunted asylum.  It had once been a tuberculosis hospital but was converted after having been abandoned for years.  This was before the days when adolescents were segregated from adults, so I was one of only a couple young people on the unit.  Everyone smoked.  The only common space was a day room filled with old furniture, ashtrays and an electronic lighter secured to a wall.  We weren't allowed to have lighters so you basically had to suck the wall to get a cigarette lit.  Since everyone else was doing it I felt like I should at least try to fit in.  It started by bumming cigarettes from other patients but then the nurses started to buy me cartons.  At that time cigarettes were a cheap commodity.  I, of course, was hooked from the start.  My parents were less than pleased, but my dad smoked and they opted to take the course of allowing me to smoke at home rather than having me sneak around behind their backs.  Smoking was cool at the time and welcomed everywhere.  There was no such thing as a non-smoking section in most places, at least that I remember.  Even in regular hospitals you could smoke in your room and nurses smoked at the nursing station right on the floors.  There was no having to go outside in shame to have a cigarette like it is today.  I smoked all through high school, which I had to hide since I went to a private Mennonite institution that forbade smoking along with numerous other vices.  I've tried countless times to quit but in the end my efforts failed miserably.  I've done the patch, gum, and even did Chantix twice but to no avail.  As awful as it is to say, I have to admit that I enjoy it too much.  I like the habit, the feel in my hands and the taste of each drag, even though the effects are catching up to me and I have breathing problems.  It occurred to me the other day that I've been smoking now for 39 years and will likely continue to do so until my probably untimely death.  I've even joked about wanting to be cremated so I can smoke one last time.  It's too late for me; my efforts have been futile.  If you smoke and are able to quit, do so!  If you don't smoke, don't ever start!  So now you know my most stupid act that I'm most ashamed of.  If you know me you may have other examples and probably could speak volumes about my various episodes of stupidity, but for me this is it.  I can only quote Yul Brenner from an ad that aired shortly after his death from lung cancer ... DON'T SMOKE!