Second Guessing and a Sigh of Relief

So today was my first day back to work.  I admit I was growing increasingly more anxious about it and second guessing my readiness.  I even reached out to my sister last night hoping for a pep talk and I sure got one.  She reminded me that, as I've stated in previous posts, I've got this.  I guess it wouldn't have mattered if I had waited another week, or month, I would have still had those first day back jitters and apprehensions.  Actually I couldn't have asked for a better experience and the day far exceeded any hopes or expectations I had.  I was greeted with genuine affection, big bear hugs, and a litany of people coming by to tell me how happy they were to see me and how glad they were that I was back and doing well.  It felt so good to be valued, appreciated and, by some, loved.  It was somewhat like a family reunion with the prodigal son and the feast of celebration commenced.  OK, well maybe there wasn't a literal feast, but I couldn't have been put more at ease and made to feel so welcome if there had been.  I had a chance to meet and converse with my new team leader, who is an exceptionally laid back and easy going guy and I know I'm going to be happy working for him.  I will, of course, miss my previous lead as she was so caring and supportive as my health issues spiraled downward and the necessity to go out on leave to get things squared away became more urgent.  But my time with her was always bound to end since her role is to mentor and lead new hires as they transition out of training.  Once another class begins, anyone on her team from prior classes gets farmed out to the other leads.  I even made fast friends with my cubor (that's my new word for cubicle neighbor) who has already melted my heart by announcing she's going to be bringing in diabetic friendly pumpkin treats.  She practically had me at hello!  At the end of the day I had to wonder; why do I keep second guessing myself?  As my Joy would say, it's a process not a destination.  Applying that philosophy, I guess there is a certain amount of just about any feeling or emotion that is normal and healthy.  Apprehension, for example, can be a healthy way of assessing a given situation and being diligent and prepared for any contingency.  But it can become unhealthy when it causes thought distortions like assuming the worst or fortune telling what will happen with no factual grounds to back it up,  I realize now that my jitters were, for the most part, healthy.  I knew that there were people who were very much looking forward to my return and who genuinely value my contribution to the department.  I think, after what I have gone through the past few months, that my challenge now is to recognize the healthy from the unhealthy and not to panic or ruminate too much on the feeling itself unless it begins to truly qualify as becoming unhealthy or destructive.

This first full week I will be off the phones, getting settled in and working on completing a significant amount of computer based training sessions that I missed, getting all my security credentials reinstated, and spending time doing side-by-sides in order to gradually dip my toes in the water before diving in head first.  I suppose it makes sense that a company of this size would have a well established reintegration program, but I never expected the level of support and encouragement I would truly be given.  I'm so thankful to be with an organization that does things like this well and fully supports the needs of people like me who, for whatever reason, need to take an extended leave.  Believe me when I tell you it's certainly not like this in many other companies.  I have a dear friend I met in the outpatient group who returned to work and was treated horribly; so much so that she had to remove herself from the situation and turn to her corporate HR to intervene.  I'm no expert but I cannot believe any company would perpetrate such heinous behavior knowing full well that they are opening themselves up to litigation.  I feel like I'm in the right place at the right time and with the right organization.  I have never before worked with such amazing people in such numbers.  Many of my past experiences certainly yielded a few here and there, but in my current situation I am completely surrounded by extraordinary colleagues.  Today turned out to be such a positive reinforcement that my support system, to at least some extent, doesn't just consist of my friends and family but also with coworkers and management team in my workplace.  I have such hope for the future, more so than I ever have before.  I am confident that I will be able to shine in my current roll and allow my skills, abilities and unique persona, along with pursuit and achievement of my academic objectives, to propel me to much bigger and better things to come.  It's time for allowing second guessing and anxiety over what might be to end so that I can continue to build my self confidence and esteem.  I know wholeheartedly that my goals are not only attainable but they are actually within reach.  Beef and noodles for dinner and fellowship with my neighbor brought the day to a wonderful close, and now sleep beckons.  Yes indeed, life is good!