When One Door Closes ... Finding That Other Door

Throughout my life there have been many doors that have closed, followed by a new one opening in some form.  Sometimes that new door has led to surprising places and unexpected pathways; other times I have remained in that neutral air lock between the two doors and have been left feeling unsure, unsteady, or even downright fearful of what the new way forward has to offer.  It can be a very scary place between those two doors.  Past experience has shown me that somehow it's always worked out, but having blind faith about the future doesn't come easily at all.  Adversity has a funny way of eroding that faith, that belief that everything happens for a reason and it's all part of God's plan.  I've had it pretty good for the last several years.  Sure there have been bumps in the road but those minor blips have been minor and haven't stopped me from being successful and blessed.  I dare say this past year has been a humdinger, much more than just a bump or blip, although some might consider otherwise in the bigger picture.  The results of these recent struggles have brought me to a crossroad that could mean a pretty significant door closing while not knowing what other door or doors might exist and when they might open.  It's a terrifying place to be, kind of what I envision the Catholic description of Purgatory.  That feeling of being in limbo produces a great deal of anxiety and apprehension.  Not knowing if and when the one portal will close adds to the frustration and uncertainty.  Right now I can only try my best to be patient, be confident in the path to recovery I am following, and not get ahead of myself by assuming or catastrophizing.  These next few weeks will be a combination of focusing on my program and doing a lot of research and preparation for any contingency that might result.  I can only hope the good things that seem to be falling apart will truly result better things to come.  The whole adage has proven itself to be true throughout my life so you'd think I could just breathe deeply and relax knowing I have nothing to worry about or fear.  Unfortunately it just doesn't work like that for me.  There's always that part of me that frets and wonders if this time will be different.  I guess that's why it's even more important to get fully plugged into the resources I have available and involve my support system in the journey so that I can help to assure that other door will be there if needed.

On a side note, I received the literature I ordered on Depression Anonymous and have started to read through it.  So far I'm impressed and feel like it would be a huge asset adding to the arsenal of other resources and hopefully gaining interest from others who might benefit from such a group.  I am still struck with surprise at how many resources and groups are available out there that meet at times most people working standard or traditional hours cannot participate in or attend.  There are practically no groups meeting in the evenings or on the weekend which I believe wholeheartedly would facilitate more likelihood of interest and attendance.  It strikes me as a need within the community that is not being met.  Maybe my calling, or at least my desire, is to work on forming such a group.  I'm still in the dark about how to get started, but plan to call on a few of my current resources for advice and direction.  My only hesitance is that I am still in the beginning of my own journey and am not sure I'd ultimately be the best person to lead or initiate, but I guess someone has to start somewhere.  So maybe I am the one to do so, or at least try.  Perhaps this is one of the new doors just waiting for me to open and walk through.  Because there are no DA groups in existence at all in Arizona, attempting to build one from scratch is a little frightening, but I also suppose that small initial steps can lead to huge gains in the future.  I'm still thinking on it as I continue with my current regimen.  I know of at least a few people who have already expressed interest so maybe it won't be as difficult as it appears on the surface.  I guess we'll all find out together soon enough!  Creating this blog and posting about my experiences, with some general rantings and ravings sprinkled in here and there, has shown me that taking a small step for myself does have some kind of impact on others' lives.  As I'm rapidly approaching 5,000 hits I remain surprised and humbled that so many people out there care about what I have to say, empathize with or understand what I'm going through, and maybe even find something that speaks to them in some meaningful way. I am eternally grateful for those of you out there sharing my journey and providing support and encouragement!  Thank you!