Easter Blessings

Christ is risen!  Alleluia!  Happy Easter to all of my friends, family and followers out there.  I hope you all have a blessed holiday.  I admit I'm not overly religious when it comes to attending a particular church or parish, but at the same time I do have strong Christian beliefs.  I wouldn't dare attend mass today and be one of those people who only shows up on Easter and maybe a couple of other holidays or holy days.  For now I'm working on my own personal relationship with God and am trying hard to go to him in prayer more often.  I find some of my best conversations are taking place in the car while I'm driving.  I can turn off the radio and just talk to God about whatever is on my mind.  I tend to do this out loud so my mind wanders less than it would if I just pray in my head.  I guess it's my exercise in being present and focusing on the here and now, not letting my thoughts wander especially to negative self talk.  Anyone looking at me in traffic will just have to assume I'm talking to someone via my Bluetooth headset.  When I think about God and all His creation I can't help but have this deep sense of awe and wonder.  Being Easter, I liken the beauty and intricacy of everything God created to the ornate and detailed Faberge' eggs.  Looking at some of them makes me wonder how such amazing artistry and precision it possible.  Just as these eggs are priceless works of art, so all of nature and humanity is God's priceless gift to us as one of his most precious creations.  Along with the beauty of all that exists, it never ceases to amaze me how God had a plan laid out from the beginning of time whereby each of us flawed and broken humans can become reconciled to our creator.  In Christianity this belief is represented by His son Jesus taking on the burdens of sin on behalf of each and every person so that all of our sins have been paid for in a way that we as individuals could never afford.  For that awesome gift I am truly grateful.  I don't mean to preach or evangelize, but rather just to state the basis for my own beliefs and convictions.  I also believe there are many paths people take on their own journey to their higher power and I respect those whose beliefs and practices differ from my own.  I'm still working diligently to internalize my conscious beliefs and accept the love and care God has for me, for the broken Thomas that feels so unworthy of such a powerful gift.  It must seem to the casual observer that believing a certain way but not accepting those beliefs on a personal level is completely contradictory, and I have trouble explaining it even to myself.  But with the help of some very special friends and family I'm beginning to realize and accept how God is manifested in them, and in me as well.  I'm also growing more confident that I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Him working through those same friends and family, and through the people involved in my treatment and recovery.  I accept this truth and am working to imprint it indelibly into my inner being.

This year I have become especially appreciative of God's love and guidance and am trying very hard to turn things over to Him and trust they will work out according to what He has in store for me.  There is so much that is yet unknown regarding my future, but rather than catastrophize and wallow in hopelessness and despair I'm working to, as they say, let go and let God.  I know that it will take a great deal of effort on my part.  I have to take action and put myself out there, career wise, but I can't let myself slip into the pattern of worrying to the point of relapse into deep depression.  I have developed, through thoughtfulness and prayer, some concrete goals and objectives and feel like I'm heading in the right direction.  I believe God works through that inner voice as well as through the people He places in my life, so I'm starting to listen and discern what that part of me is saying and feeling.  I have to say that I'm feeling really good about the way things are unfolding regarding career opportunities as well as educational options that are opening up for me.  I'm forging through the application process with Purdue University and am hopeful I will be accepted for a fall term start date.  I know now that the program in communication and writing is just what I need to not only supplement my career objectives, but it will also have a direct impact on my personal goals as well.  At the risk of getting ahead of myself, I'm mapping out an academic path that will hopefully yield two Master's degrees by the time I'm fifty-five.  That gives me six years to obtain the advanced degree in communications and an MBA in project management.  With some perseverance I don't think these are unrealistic goals.  At the same time I can't help but feel positive about some of the potential job opportunities I'm being considered for and, again, I leave it in God's hands as to where the best fit will be for me.  My gratitude also extends to those I hold so dear to me, my angels, my advocates, my friends and family, my clan.  These are the people who have been there for me throughout this entire process and the ones I've had to lean on the most as I've navigated the crooked path of recovery.  This Easter day seems an appropriate time to be cognizant and grateful for the many blessings in my life and for that life itself to which I've been granted an indefinite extension.  So as we dig through our baskets, view the annual screenings of Ben Hur and the Ten Commandments, and eat the big ham dinner spreads that come with this particular holiday, I give thanks to God, to family, to friends, and even to myself for how far I've come and for the continued path that lays ahead!  Happy Easter!